Boyfriend vs Husband
Short term dating vs Long term partner
Standards change depending on what she is looking for. You are being judged differently and not being told about it. What was satisfactory as a dating partner (short term relationship) is not good enough to qualify you as a long term partner.
Security was not a mjor issue in dating but IS for partnership. What does this mean?
Do you pay your all bills? On-time and independently! Every time!
Are you your word! Are you consistent? Can she count on you!
Do you take care of all of your shit? Body? house? car? health? finances? attitude? friends? strangers? toys? Because the way you take care of these tells her how you will take care of her?
This is what is meant by do you have you act (shit) together.
No longer are you evaluated on how nice you are to her. Now you are being judged by what kind of father and partner in team work you are, not will be or promise to be. But are right now!
You are not told when this shift happens. Which may not be fair but is what happens. This is part of understanding what happens in a relationship as it gets more serious.
If you do not get a passing grade in these areas, you will be gone.
Long term relationships require much more flexibility than people expect from short term relationships. Why? Because change is constant. For example: You change, she changes, finances change, what you like changes, the economy changes, the products you buy change, your friends change, your interests change and your health changes and what you believe changes.
Meeting these changes requires having the internal and external resources to accommodate the changes. You need the internal resiliency to roll with a different plan of action or a different way of being. You need the external resources to build a support system that accommodates what is newly implemented.
Following the rigidity of rules and regulations of how things have always been done will bury you and those with you in a mountain of change. For example, insisting on spending the same as last month when you have a lower paying job this month will not make a happy ending.
Learning to flow with the rhythm of constant change is an essential skill in a long-term relationship.