Peeling the onion & Aspergers

A discussion on Friday reminded me how the dominant part of my healing journey has been more of slowly peeling the many layers of an onion rather than being able to pierce straight through to source consciousness.

A slow progression of one small healing after another. Not a meditation that destroys all the seeds of distortion.

There has always been at least one major physical issues to address. One I could feel. At first, I could identify it by the pain messages it would send to me. I would focus on that issue and try to do anything and everything that would help me cope with that issue and eventually heal it. As the pain messages from that issue would start to receed another one would start to arise. And I would start all over focusing on that.

I used many different methods that are used to cope. Craniosacral therapy, energy work, Pilates, diffremt types of yoga, grounding & being in nature. And then there were the other methods like tens units (low level electrical stimulation), red light therapy, infrared therapy, epson salt baths, acupuncture & DMSO baths, I am sure I am leaving out tons of other things that I tried and I no longer remember.

The point was I can always remember having another physical issue to work on. I guess they were not always marked with pain. Sometimes it is just discomfort or soreness. Sometimes the issue did not arise until I had done too much physical activity and the weak area that needed attention would collapse and then start to annoy me.

I used the analogy of peeling the layers of an onion because it gives off the impression that you are working towards an eventual core and then you are done. And while that is one aspect of my healing journey it is not the only aspect.

A second analogy is like climbing the white keys on a piano from low to high. And when you run out of keys you start over on a new piano. In this perspective each key is kind of like a new layer of the onion being peeled back. The advantage this has is a never ending journey of healing. I tend to use the phrase, there are ever more subtle layers of awareness in this healing process.

And with each layer comes a slightly different mindset and a slightly different awareness of who I am and who others are.

Describing the conscious awareness differences is a harder process to bring words to. When I was younger I was much more like a classic ADD or ADHD (aspergers) person. Even as recently as three years ago I had a new friend describe me as being on the asperger’s spectrum. Although I should probably not put much stock in her opinion because she had obvious problems of her own to work through. Some of what she was communicating was clearly at times just projection from her own issues with her own father.

I was much more like one of the characters on the Big Bang theory TV show. I was unaware of non-verbal communication. A more accurate way of saying that was I literally could not see and read non-verbal communication. I was totally socially awkward and did not understand social etiquette or the cues that people would give off. If it was not verbal or written it did not exist for me. I was even told that I would enjoy watching The Big Bang Theory episodes because I was like them.

I did get better over time even before my stroke. But has only been since my stroke and this new healing process that I have begun to be able to see and interpret non-verbal communication.

I am still somewhat lacking in my ability to read and interpret non-verbal interactions maybe due to the lack of experience. It is no wonder that I excelled in a career that did not have its primary focus as the need to interpret non-verbal behaviour. In many ways my computer and technical career was a natural outgrowth of my inability to fit in socially.

I am still not confident at all of my social skills. Especially not with women, who I am told excel in them. So it is no surprise, that I value my connection with those women who do accept me as I am.

I know the Christmas holidays get busy. Our discussion on Friday reminded me how the dominant part of my healing journey has been more of slowly peeling the many layers of an onion rather than being able to pierce straight through to source consciousness.

There has always been one major physical issues to address. I could identify it by the pain messages it would send to me. I would focus on that issue and try to do anything and everything that would help me cope with that issue and eventually heal it. As the pain messages from that issue would’ve received another one would start to arise. And I would start all over focusing on that.

As I stated in the discussion there are many different methods that are used to cope. Craniosacral therapy, energy work, Pilates, yoga, grounding & being in nature. And then there were the other methods like tens units (low level electrical stimulation), red light therapy, infrared therapy, epson salt baths, acupuncture & DMSO baths, I am sure I am leaving out tons of other things that I tried and I no longer remember.

The point was I can always remember having another physical issue to work on. I guess they were not always marked with pain. Sometimes it is just discomfort or soreness. Sometimes the issue did not arise until I had done too much physical activity and the weak area that needed attention would collapse and then start to annoy me.

I used the analogy of peeling the layers of an onion because it gives off the impression that you are working towards an eventual core and then you are done. And while that is one aspect of my healing journey it is not the only aspect.

A second analogy is like climbing the white keys on a piano from low to high. And when you run out of keys you start over on a new piano. In this perspective each key is kind of like a new layer of the onion being peeled back. The advantage this has is a never ending journey of healing. I tend to use the phrase, there are ever more subtle layers of awareness in this healing process.

And with each layer comes a slightly different mindset and a slightly different awareness of who I am and who others are.

Describing the conscious awareness differences is a harder process to bring words to. When I was younger I was much more like a classic ADD or ADHD (aspergers) person. Even as recently as three years ago I had a new friend describe me as being on the asperger’s spectrum. Although I should probably not put much stock in her opinion because she had obvious problems of her own to work through. That’s some of what she was communicating was clearly at times just projection from her own issues with her own father.

I was much more like one of the characters on the Big Bang theory TV show. I was unaware of non-verbal communication. A more accurate way of saying that was I literally could not see and read it non-verbal communication. I was totally socially awkward and did not understand social etiquette or the cues that people would give off. If it was not verbal or written it did not exist for me. I was even told that I would enjoy watching The Big Bang Theory episodes because I was like them.

I did get better over time even before my stroke. But has only been since my stroke and this new healing process that I have begun to be able to see and interpret non-verbal communication.

I am still somewhat lacking in my ability to read and interpret non-verbal interactions maybe due to the lack of experience. It is no wonder that I excelled in a career that did not have its primary focus as I need to interpret non-verbal behaviour. In many ways my computer and technical career was a natural outgrowth of my inability to fit in socially.

I am still not confident at all of my social skills. Especially not with women, who I am told excel in them. So it is no surprise, that I value my connection with you and Shahla for accepting me as I am.

My daughter in Houston Texas invited me to come out over Christmas but there have been no date set yet. So some point I will disappear for a week to do that. Likewise I am extremely appreciative of that connection. And even more so because of the uniqueness of how it happens. I don’t have people reaching out to me wanting to be my friend. But my daughter has for the last three years. She repeatedly calls me and that is a unique event in my life. She is making an effort to include me and seems to be getting value from including me.

I am likewise filled with gratitude that to the best of your abilities and time you do try to include me in your life. Thank you.

Going back to trying to describe the subtle changes with awareness and consciousness. I realise now that many of the new facets of awareness for me we’re on the layer of non-verbal communication.

One facet was eye contact and facial expressions. In the last two years I am more able to naturally look into someone’s eyes for a little bit. Before this I do not believe I made eye contact hardly ever. I’m still not great at it but I’m aware of the shift and I’m starting to pick up more non-verbal hints because I am more connected to a persons facial expressions.

Previously of heard me talk about getting rid of beliefs that no longer serve me. And that was indeed one aspect of the changes in awareness and consciousness. I became aware of how my resentment and anger were energies that were on a chemical level flooding my body with a negative influence preventing/frustrating my healing progress. On a more subtle level some of my beliefs were causing me to have more negative thoughts and keeping me away from experiencing the more innocent joyful expression of life I had in my childhood.

I wanted that childlike joyful experience of life back. And I was willing to explore all these different healing methods in order to make progress towards that goal. This is one area where I feel a kinship with you. I don’t know what go you are trying to progress towards. But I really like your willingness to explore and try different healing methods.

The most recent easily explainable manifestation of my onion peeling journey is in my left foot. I have different areas popping up that are sensitive and sometimes even sore. But the most frequent experience is simply more like an itch. The sensation of an itch has always been associated with a sign of the healing process.

It started with the outside backheel, literally on the side not the bottom. Then I got some action stations and very specific spots of my heel on the bottom. I even got some type of leg jerk when some sensation hit quickly and passed. In my experience all of these each sensations are acquainted with my nervous system getting reattached and made more robust. This past week it has been a ball of my foot, do you know that Pad behind the toes and before the arch. This healing process will continue to pass through different parts of my foot and tell it is all reconnected and integrated to my body once again.

The foot Pad sensations are totally different it’s more like there is feeling and somewhat of a juicy sensation reckon feel stuffed squash back-and-forth as the soft tissue is rolled over. I do not feel this and I do not feel this all the time but it goes but it comes and goes. I’m pretty sure it has the with rewiring my nerves to my brain and all of the different functions it takes to move the foot to work correctly.

I was very happy to hear that you have found someone who is helping you work with past trauma issues. In many cases we don’t even know we have past trauma issues. But it is hugely important to find them and heal as much of them as we can in order to allow their energy to travel up into our consciousness and be used for our spiritual journey.

I know the Christmas holidays get busy. Our discussion on Friday reminded me how the dominant part of my healing journey has been more of slowly peeling the many layers of an onion rather than being able to pierce straight through to source consciousness.

There has always been one major physical issues to address. I could identify it by the pain messages it would send to me. I would focus on that issue and try to do anything and everything that would help me cope with that issue and eventually heal it. As the pain messages from that issue would’ve received another one would start to arise. And I would start all over focusing on that.

As I stated in the discussion there are many different methods that are used to cope. Craniosacral therapy, energy work, Pilates, yoga, grounding & being in nature. And then there were the other methods like tens units (low level electrical stimulation), red light therapy, infrared therapy, epson salt baths, acupuncture & DMSO baths, I am sure I am leaving out tons of other things that I tried and I no longer remember.

The point was I can always remember having another physical issue to work on. I guess they were not always marked with pain. Sometimes it is just discomfort or soreness. Sometimes the issue did not arise until I had done too much physical activity and the weak area that needed attention would collapse and then start to annoy me.

I used the analogy of peeling the layers of an onion because it gives off the impression that you are working towards an eventual core and then you are done. And while that is one aspect of my healing journey it is not the only aspect.

A second analogy is like climbing the white keys on a piano from low to high. And when you run out of keys you start over on a new piano. In this perspective each key is kind of like a new layer of the onion being peeled back. The advantage this has is a never ending journey of healing. I tend to use the phrase, there are ever more subtle layers of awareness in this healing process.

And with each layer comes a slightly different mindset and a slightly different awareness of who I am and who others are.

Describing the conscious awareness differences is a harder process to bring words to. When I was younger I was much more like a classic ADD or ADHD (aspergers) person. Even as recently as three years ago I had a new friend describe me as being on the asperger’s spectrum. Although I should probably not put much stock in her opinion because she had obvious problems of her own to work through. That’s some of what she was communicating was clearly at times just projection from her own issues with her own father.

I was much more like one of the characters on the Big Bang theory TV show. I was unaware of non-verbal communication. A more accurate way of saying that was I literally could not see and read it non-verbal communication. I was totally socially awkward and did not understand social etiquette or the cues that people would give off. If it was not verbal or written it did not exist for me. I was even told that I would enjoy watching The Big Bang Theory episodes because I was like them.

I did get better over time even before my stroke. But has only been since my stroke and this new healing process that I have begun to be able to see and interpret non-verbal communication.

I am still somewhat lacking in my ability to read and interpret non-verbal interactions maybe due to the lack of experience. It is no wonder that I excelled in a career that did not have its primary focus as I need to interpret non-verbal behaviour. In many ways my computer and technical career was a natural outgrowth of my inability to fit in socially.

I am still not confident at all of my social skills. Especially not with women, who I am told excel in them. So it is no surprise, that I value my connection with the few women who accept me as I am.

My daughter has invited me to come out over Christmas but there have been no dates set yet. I am extremely appreciative of that connection. And even more so because of the uniqueness of how it happens. I don’t have people reaching out to me wanting to be my friend. But my daughter has for the last three years. She repeatedly calls me and that is a unique event in my life. She is making an effort to include me and seems to be getting value from including me.

I am likewise filled with gratitude that to the best of your abilities and time you do try to include me in your life. Thank you.

Going back to trying to describe the subtle changes with awareness and consciousness. I realize now that many of the new facets of awareness for me are on the layer of being newly aware of and getting flashes of seeing non-verbal communication. Even though I don’t know what they mean.

One facet was eye contact and facial expressions. In the last two years I am more able to naturally look into someone’s eyes for a little bit. Before this I do not believe I made eye contact hardly ever. I’m still not great at it but I’m aware of the shift and I’m starting to pick up more non-verbal hints because I am more connected to a persons facial expressions.

At times I talk about getting rid of beliefs that no longer serve me. And that was indeed one aspect of the changes in awareness and consciousness. I became aware of how my resentment and anger were energies that were on a chemical level flooding my body with a negative influence preventing/frustrating my healing progress. On a more subtle level some of my beliefs were causing me to have more negative thoughts and keeping me away from experiencing the more innocent joyful expression of life I had in my childhood.

I wanted that childlike joyful experience of life back. And I was willing to explore all these different healing methods in order to make progress towards that goal.

The most recent easily explainable manifestation of my onion peeling journey is in my left foot. I have different areas popping up that are sensitive and sometimes even sore. But the most frequent experience is simply more like an itch. The sensation of an itch has always been associated with a sign of the healing process.

It started with the outside backheel, literally on the side not the bottom. Then I got some action stations and very specific spots of my heel on the bottom. I even got some type of leg jerk when some sensation hit quickly and passed. In my experience all of these each sensations are acquainted with my nervous system getting reattached and made more robust. This past week it has been a ball of my foot, do you know that Pad behind the toes and before the arch. This healing process will continue to pass through different parts of my foot and tell it is all reconnected and integrated to my body once again.

The foot Pad sensations are totally different it’s more like there is feeling and somewhat of a juicy sensation reckon feel stuffed squash back-and-forth as the soft tissue is rolled over. I do not feel this and I do not feel this all the time but it goes but it comes and goes. I’m pretty sure it has the with rewiring my nerves to my brain and all of the different functions it takes to move the foot to work correctly.